since day one.. my insecurities have gotten the absolute best of me. it's been holding me back from so many things - chances, opportunities. i've realized this a long time ago yet i still have not found a solution for myself. it gets harder and i just try to keep it on the down low. i know i'm so much better than this. i know this isn't me doing all this. i need to really prove to myself that i am not this person. i hate the fact that i do this.. i just take a second to realize it and then ask myself why are you doing this. curiosity killed the cat..... maybe if i stopped being a pussy and bitch out last minute, i would finally find the answers i've been wondering about. i know i'm not going to find it here or there so why do i even bother? i need to go straight to the source. i really need to step my game up and do what i need to fkcin do. i'm tired of watching and wondering from the shadows as i let this all just happen to me, to us, and to whoever. Lord, please give me courage.