Because once upon a time everything that happened was meant to be.

It has definitely always been a struggle dealing with being the ugly duckling in a group of swans. It really really terribly sucks.. a whole damn lot.

Shit like that pisses me off. I hate people.

& Tonight, I kinda got sick just because I saw dudes w/ swag.... and I want a dude with swag. Lmfao. Maybe I should try liking someone first. I swear the next dude I like better have swept me off my feet because for some reason it takes way. too. much. for me to like someone. The last time I did was freshman year & I was mad young and naive back then... ew.. hahah. That's still pathetic tho. Maybe the dudes I come across are just fckin whack... or not worth a fight / my time.. or maybe they're just too immature. Shit, I need a man, not a little ass boy. UGH. I hate people. Well maybe petty girls that want attention.. but some guys too because they act just as fckin girly as me. Ew. Man the fkc up.

/end rant.

Wow, it could have almost been a year. I really don't know how I feel about this.

Feeling so nostalgic as I look through these old pictures. Damn, shit was easy back in the day..

"To dream that you are bleeding or losing blood means that you are mentally fatigued. It can also symbolize a hurtful conflict existing in a personal relationship. Perhaps you regret some action you performed. This is a popular dream for expectant women and women who are in their menstrual cycle."

Cool. Thanks mother nature for influencing my dream last night.

Definitely fun but awkward. LOL. "Oddly attractive" Man, I'm weird.

I have always wished for it to be easier to talk to you. Things would be so much different.. & once in a while, I still wish for that. One day, one day.

And the dreams have returned.. After a week of not remembering my dreams, it has come back once again! It's kind of weird because half the time I know I'm dreaming while I'm dreaming. Idk if that made sense but yeah. 2 nights ago I knew I was dreaming and I was just going on with my dream just waiting for it to end and I remember walking out of the doors (before I woke up in reality) that I was crying because I realized that the moral of my dream was acceptance. Accept flaws & all. It was kind of crazy. My dreams are weird and I know they try to tell me something... just like the TV shows I've been watching, haha.

Shows to Watch/Catch Up On This Summer List: (Hopefully, lol)
- Parks & Recreation (I'm almost caught up with this one, ah I love this show!)
- Glee
- The Office
- Gossip Girl
- One Tree Hill
- Modern Family
- The Community
- How I Met Your Mother
- The Voice
- Extreme Couponing (haha)

&&&

Books to Read/Finish This Summer List: (Hopefully as well!)
- My Sister's Keeper (I feel like crying when I read like every chapter, lmao)
- Eat, Pray, Love
- The Time Traveler's Wife
- The Seeking Heart
- Perks of Being a Wallflower

What in the flying fuck is going on with my grades. I am so mad right now. How in the flying fuck did I get a D+ in psychology. I went to all my classes and did all my work. OMG WHAT THE FUCK. This shit is killing my GPA and I know for a damn fact that I do not deserve that fuckin grade. WOW. damn well I'm sending her an email. What the fuck man. Fuck you. Wow. This is seriously ridiculous. What is this fuckery. The world is going against me with my freshman year grades. I know I don't deserve these shits. UGHa;flkja

It is literally impossible to escape you... or even have a decent / real break as much as I try to. You are everywhere that it is kind of fckin ridiculous! Idk how this is happening or why I kind of just realized it now. And God loves to be funny and tell me things as I watch TV shows.. (or maybe it's just in my head but whatev, lol) SO WEIRD. Kbai.

I'm pretty much over the fact that I got a retarded C in spanish but just seeing it there just pisses me off! Anywho's I got a C+ in chemistry, thank God. Chemistry is mad like... complicated for no reason. But whatevs. As long as I know I met my requirement in that class. I'm pretty motivated for the fall semester cus I really wanna get my GPA higher. K this is pointless. kbai.

Day 3 of insanity, holy shet. My body still aches / is sore but it's that good workout feeling so I don't really mind walking around looking like an old person & struggling when I sit and get back up, lol. It's mainly my calves & lower back. I could already feel my core getting stronger. Gotta stay motivated & focused so I can get some real ass results when it's over. Lehgooooo

OMG WTF I got a C in Spanish?! WOW REALLY. I'm about to fuck that stupid teacher up..... WOW LIKE HOW DID I GET THAT GRADE. Wow holy fly fuckery. Must be fckin with me. & there's nothing I can do about that.. WOW Okay. I'm gonna go take out my anger as I experience my first day of insanity after I dl it. UM WOW FUCK YOU PROFESSOR KELLY & your shitty ass teaching. I swear OMG wow. I swear I could have taught the class better than her. Omg wow I'm so pissed right now! How did I get that grade! Wow Okay. Um. Yeah. Fuck you. I hope you like trip and like.. idk just trip embarrassingly in front of people or step in a pile of poop. Whatever. WOW. Pissed that's gonna make my gpa down. ESTUPIDO CONO.


FUCK. Whatever man! I'll get over this later today. But damn fuck you! I don't even want to take spanish again next but french had a sucky time so.... HMPH.

This shits majorly personal, you ready?
Sure why not.

Have you had sex today?
Nope.

Do you still care about your last ex?
Nah. He doesn't ever consume my thoughts but sometimes I wonder how he's doing & I hope he's doing well.

What’s bothering you?
Nothing.

Do you own more then one bathing suit?
Si.

Is there anyone in particular that your missing right now?
Yeah.

Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos?
Yup.

Do you open up to people easily?
Nah.

Do you want your tongue pierced?
Yeah I've been wanting to get it done but I don't think it's gonna happen since it's not appropriate for jobs & such.

Did you take anyone’s breath away in the past 3 months?
Doubt it, lol

Do you think someone has feelings for you?
Nah.

Is there any alcohol in the fridge?
Wine I believe.

Could you stay in the same relationship for over a year?
I'm pretty sure I can.

Do you miss the way things used to be?
Sometimes but everything happen for a reason.

Is any part of you sad at all?
Mm. no actually. Summer's finally here! :D

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
Doubt it lol

Who was the last person to disappoint you?
It's whatever.

Have you ever let someone go?
Sure.

Are you a patient person?
Usually.

Do you think you’ve changed over the past year?
Definitely.

Is there something that happened in your past you hate talking about?
Not really.

Your ex is sitting next to you, what do you do?
Probably spark up an awkward ass conversation haha

Are you someone who worries too often?
Eh, sometimes.

Have you ever been completely alone with a boy in his room?
Yeup.

Do you ever think “what if” about anything?
Definitely.

Is the last person you kissed older than you?
Nah.

Has anyone laid on your bed besides you?
Yeup.

Last time you were truly upset?
Hm. A couple of months ago maybe? Idr

Does everyone deserve a second chance?
Depends who it is & if it's worth it.

Are you emotionally strong?
I like to think I am.

Is there anyone you don’t wanna lose?
Of course.

Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?
Nope.

When you say you don’t care do you mean it?
Most of the time.

Are you the type of person who seeks out revenge?
Nah, haha.Being happy is the best revenge >:]

Do you think two people can last forever?
Of course!

Have you ever gotten to the point where you’ve said “I’m done trying”?
Definitelyyyy.

Must stay motivated and focused and determined and eyes on the prize. #Team got to get skinny so I can rock a bikini without being self conscious and be confident in my own body / skin for once! Gonna attempt to try p90x & insanity as soon as I get home from my last finals on Wednesday. LEHGO.

It's almost been 2 weeks since. damn, homie.

Sometimes I tend to think my past was just my imagination or it was just a long dream. I mean like, I don't mean to see it like that but it just happens. Fuuh. EVERYTHING IS SO WEIRDDDD. & different. A lot and I mean A LOT has changed. People go from being such good friends to mere strangers. It kinda blows my mind how much shit can happen in such a short period of time. Unbelievable. But I will always tell myself that everything happens for a reason. I've been doing me / been so busy & caught up with school work and I know the people who will make time to visit, text, bbm, blahblah & all that are the people that want to be in my life. And you're lucky if I get to see you on the weekend, ehe. But anywho's I miss a lot of people that I barely ever get to see anymore but summer's coming around and hopefully things can change. Sigh* Never thought that being in college would mean all of this would happen. Whatever. I know God is with me.

Thinking of possible schedules for Fall 2011 semester is soOo frustrating, ahH!
Note2Self to be organized: Potential Fall 2011 schedules -

SCHEDULE 1
Monday
BIO Lab: 11AM - 150PM

Tuesday & Thursdays
CIS: 1005AM - 12PM
BIO: 1230PM - 150PM
SPA: 2PM - 320PM
PSY: 330PM - 450PM

Wednesday & Fridays
No classes

SCHEDULE 2
Monday
SPA: 1115AM - 1210PM
BIO Lab: 230PM - 520PM

Tuesdays & Thursdays
CIS: 1005AM - 12PM
BIO: 1230PM - 150PM
PSY: 330PM - 450PM

Wednesdays & Fridays
SPA: 11:15AM - 1210PM

& my potential 3rd schedule would be the same as the first except I'd have Bio lab on Wednesdays @ 1115AM - 205PM letting me have Mondays & Fridays off which is a 4 day weekeend, wow lol. I'm really hoping that the professors that are teaching these times are good because none are listed yet T_T. Gonna be praying for a good schedule next semester.

Don't mean to toot my own horn, but I remember the other day we were going over a checklist before we handed in our third paper for english. My teacher's really goofy and she was making sure we had things correct. So when she was about to collect everyone's, she took mine first and said in a joking way, "Dee, if I find anything wrong on your first page, everyone automatically drops down to a B." & duh I respond in a nice / joking way, "Why did you choose me tho!" & she replies, "Because I know you'd have the least amount of errors in the class." Ayeee. hahah. I remember feeling good about myself in that wee bit of a moment, lol. I know it's not much, but it's simple comments like that, that give me somewhat of a boost in the confidence area because God knows how much I lack.

I am going to be so mad if I end up having a bleh summer english class. My english teachers are always good & that's probably the main reason why it's my fave subject.

I'm happy.

SelfReminder:

- May 2: 15 facts psych presentation
- May 3: Ch3 Spanish Test
- May 5: Chem lab final
- May 6: Last test in Chem lecture
- May 9: Final English paper due
- May 11: Chem Lecture final
- Work on English paper & find time for gym in between all this chaos.

For some reason, I don't even feel stressed out right now. I feel like I'm going at a good pace studying for all these exams. I'm even excited to work on my final paper for english because the topic is something you've realized. Ah, summer vacay is so close. I don't even care that I have summer classes because it's only twice a week until the end of june. Mind as well get eng102 over w/ so I can concentrate more on sciences fall 2011 semester. Fuck yeah I can do this.