You still manage to make me feel bad even if we haven't talked or chilled in a good while.. What the fuck, bro. Whatever, prom weekend.. all things aside & it'll be time to get saucy and not care about you.

Prom in about 5 days & prom weekend in 6... I'm excited, shit. Here's to the nights we won't remember, the people we'll talk to for only the weekend and the shit that will go down. I can't wait. I hope everything works out well, hehe.

So for my own personal use...

To Do List:
- Work Sat - Mon :(
- Sbc photoshoot?
- Tan/ pooool at cristina's
- Get eyebrows done... & everything else hahah hopefully
- Accessories!!
- Food shopping with the house hoez
- Pay for a&f
- Shoes, omg.
- Go to the mall for clothesies
- Laundryyy
- Packkkk
- Make packing list for weekend

So much to doooo, so little timmeee. I got this though.

I could just might get used to this..

Sometimes I wish I could tell you I hate you and mean it but that's seriously just not me.

By now, I thought and I hoped so much that you've changed but you know what... you are still the same fucking person. People apparently saw some kinda goodness in you but no, fuck that, cus you're back to your same old ways. You fucking wonder why I act a certain way but come to think of it... I think I use it as a way to somehow get back at you for all the times you've hurt me. Yes, you have hurt me and I know for a damn fact you don't fucking know that. Most of the time you don't even watch what you say, you don't think before you say things and you don't think before you act. Do you ever realize what you just said to someone? No, I didn't think so. Rude comments and talking under your breath? Get the fuck outta here with that bs. You have so much nerve and fcking pride. Calm the fuck down, homie. Call me a hypocrite but I know damn fuckin well that I've stuck up for my friends more times than you ever did or probably ever will so don't tell me that I'm getting defensive for backing up a friend. So a big fuck you, a very big fuck you. I don't think I deserve bullshit like this. I always went through life wondering why and how I'm friends with the people in my life but with you.. I REALLY fucking wonder why the fuck I am still your friend, why the fuck I deal with the bullshit when I make it clear that I hate it. You make me so mad yet I still stick around. What the fuck is this, man.

I may hate confrontation but I know damn well that I've done more confronting in this friendship than you ever did.

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

Whatever this is bullshit so I'll just get over it tomorrow and shit.

Sigh.. Seriously, who doesn't miss the simple, cute things about being in a relationship/talking to someone? I'm always reminded of it & the subject is always brought up somehow, whether it's a conversation with friends, watching movies, looking through pictures, etc. It's a bittersweet feeling to see such happy, love-filled relationships around me... well duh, only cus i'm a loner. haha but other than that, I'm glad I'm single too. I can honestly say I'm happy either way. I don't need someone to make me happy. I don't constantly need someone to always be there to talk to because I actually like having time to myself. But even though I don't need someone.. it's just nice to have someone around.

You see me, but you don't see me. If only things were easier. If only things weren't really like this. If only people really knew. If only...

If only it can stop already. Another reason why I'm so excited is because I don't have to face it anymore. Memories flash in my mind all the time of when I thought things were, I guess you could say, uh, fine? I'll wait though because I'm not gonna be the first one to admit it.

We all have that boy. That boy who you're completely over, but you still think about before you sleep. That boy who you avoid talking to, but still wish he would text you just once. That boy who you have to make yourself not think about, but always wonder if he is thinking about you.

(Via jessicalovee.tumblr)

Life is so confusing -_-

If there's one thing a guy should always say / remind his girl.. it should be telling them that they are beautiful and really mean it every time.

Second time coming and I ain't falling for shit. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

You know.. I always wondered how good friends become bf/gf after a while.. like what makes you attracted to them now instead of before? Lol just a thought; no offense to my thought whatsoever!

I am drowning in my own sorrow because I am a stupid loser and I don't know how to deal with things other than blogging about it. Even though I know no one reads this.. I'd like to keep it that way. Sometimes I wish I'd end up like the movies with the whole mushy gushy cute happy ending.. realizing all this blahblah shit. You belong with me type shit. Best I ever had type shit. BUT I know those stories are just movies and a girl can only dream. Soon enough things will look up and I'll stop being the lonely loser that I am. OR maybe you'll realize and come to your senses blahblahblah. & when all this realizing happens... I'll be so damn oblivious to what is happening to me because I'm stupid and I like to brush everything off & I'll be thinking that "things are too good to be true" & then BAM.. there goes another chance passing me by.. like all the damn rest of them that have smacked me across my face because I didn't take them. I'm so predictable.. no one knows you better than yourself (other than homie G) UGH. Going to go shoot myself now because half the time I don't learn from my 'chances - passing - me - by' mistake.

I hate feeling this way and I know it's myself that let emotions get the best of me. Everything I encounter ends up reminding me of something, anything. I hate it. I hate it so much. I hate what it has done to me and I don't know what to do anymore. If people only knew.. seriously. I hate what the mind can do to me. I hate that there is so much to fcking think about. I am slowly losing control of myself. I've been trying so hard but nothing is happening. I. am. so tired. of. this. I would love to meet someone who went through the same situation I'm going through right now because I honestly need someone to tell me what to do. I need someone to tell me I'm stupid and that I am wasting my time thinking about things like this. I keep telling myself to just do me but it is so hard. I am surrounded by a handful of complete and utter bullshit / dumb ass people. Sometimes I wish cutting out people from your life was as easy as deleting a 'friend' on facebook. God, please, please help me.

I'm slowly losing you. Things are just not the same anymore and I mean it this time. I would like to think that everything will get back to normal but for some reason, I don't feel like it will. This is so sad. I hate having things slip right through my fingers. I'm trying my best to do something about it but it's as if nothing is progressing or maybe you've just simply given up on me. God please help me because I don't like this. I'm worried for no reason and over analyzing everything. I'd like things to go back how they used to be please.

I feel like I'm trying so hard for something that's either not worth it anymore or just going to end up wasting my time -_- I hope you see my effort.

Ugh... I hate that you're always just there. No matter how hard I try to avoid you, you are always going to be there.. FOR MULTIPLE REASONS too. It will be a long time til our paths do not ever cross.


I kind of hate people right now. Thank you to the female anatomy.. bleh

I always have wittle crushes on people but I can never like anyone. How Sad.

For my own personal need...

List of things to do/buy within this month:

- Deposit check
- Prom house/limo people meeting
- Pay senior dues
- Buy prom tix
- Find my damn dress
- Buy those shoes I've been eyeingggg
- Clean my junkyard of a room
- Laundry
- Project LWASAP
- Pay for photography field trip
- Call St. Peter's
- Send deposit for school
- Make up my fckin mind

I kind of want to shoot myself because half this shit is dealing with money. MO MONEY, MO PROBLEMS -_-

I say I miss you every so often but I never act upon those words. I'm too much of a pussy to hang out with you.