i can't help but feel empty. cold-hearted. bitter. when it comes to dealing with what i'm dealing with. i've come to conclusion that i have figured everything out. i connected all the pieces & guess what, they fit.. they all fit perfectly together. the smallest pieces fit into the bigger picture. i've grown to have this giant wall, my guard has always been up. i'll admit, i have been that girl to eat up the words someone said to me at one point but you know what.. i'm not that girl anymore. half the time i don't even believe the shit someone is telling me anymore just because i don't want to be that girl that fell for someones bullshit.

i want someone to break down that wall. i want to see if someone will go that extra mile, that extra stretch to know more about me. i just want to be proven to. someone worth it. someone worth taking chances for. someone i know i won't regret taking all these chances. but you know what.. how will that ever happen if i'm too scared to let someone get too close. i try to pick out the things i dont like in a person just so i have a reason not to get too attached. sometimes i hate that i've grown to be a person that does such things because maybe i'm missing out. maybe i'm the one who is oblivious to what is right in front of me.

but i know i'm going to have people in my life that will stick around forever, the ones i can run to with a doubt and then the people who will be with me for right now only to get up and leave me sooner or later. but hey, i won't regret having these poeple in my life because i know i'm experiencing life with them for a reason. someway, somehow there was some kind of impact and influence you put in my life so why regret what makes who you are today.. the people you've met throughout life have helped you pave the path of your journey whether you think about it or not.

there are things you can have the best of both worlds of but there are also certain things you will have to choose between this or that.. you can't always have your piece of cake and eat it too. i don't know what you're trying to do or who you're trying to mess with but i hope you just play your game right and that in the end you aren't regretting what you're doing. i hope you even know what you're doing it cus you can't go through life winging everything and hoping that everything will go your way. i find myself to only be sticking around because things are unpredictable. i don't know what the next thing will be and i don't know what i'll be finding out next but it's kinda interesting. i've approached this situation so much more differently than the others.