i don't think i will ever feel comfortable in my own skin. i don't think i will ever be satisfied with my whole self. i don't think i will ever be able to look into a mirror and be fully satisfied or pleased with what i see. no matter how many times someone will compliment me on how i look, i won't whole heartedly accept or believe it. i will always just contradict myself and pick out all my flaws one at a time. i will always have that doubtful conscience in the back of my mind thinking a person is just lying when they find something nice to say. i will always be the "debbie downer" in my group of friends and deny the things they say to me. i am so full of insecurities that it slowly tears me apart every single day. being surrounded by pretty faced, nice body friends doesn't help either. i will never stop comparing myself to other girls and think to myself damn, she's so pretty/ lucky to be skinny. i don't see myself how other people see me. i see myself so much more worse. i don't know why i see myself like this, but i just do, and have been for the majority of my life. i hate seeing/hearing other girls saying how fat/ugly they are when they are so pretty, gorgeous and far from being 'fat'.

what's weird is that i feel guilty for feeling like this. but hopefully one day i will be somewhat satisfied and happy with myself.