i can't write this on tumblr because people will be quick to assume shit & i feel like i can't even vent out completely anymore. i never know who to talk to anymore because i seriously feel like no one will ever understand what i'm going through or have the right things to say to me. i've asked a real good guy friend of mine for advice plenty of times yet i still feel helpless.. like something is just not clicking in my head. i want to talk to someone who knows exactly what i'm going through or how i'm feeling in my situation. sometimes i feel like that person is right there in the crowd but i can't seem to pick them out.

but seriously.. who am i to you? i know it has only been recently that we've been getting all cool and shit but i feel like we have this damn good connection. other than my bestfriend and a couple of my other good friends, i've never had someone to talk to about the same common interests we both may share. i guess it's just weird to me because it's my first time experiencing that. not many times does a person come across another being who shares a lot of similar common interests as you do and you guys just seem to.. click automatically.. i guess you can say. i'm scared to, and i really wish i could, admit that you are different from others but i can't cus i want you to prove it to me. i'm somebody who wants my assumptions about someone to be proven wrong. i want you to prove to me you are not like the rest and that you are definitely different.

and i dont want to be that last girl you resort to because you're bored. or because those bitchz you're tryna bag aren't giving you the kinda love you want. i'm not tryna be left on the 'backburner' in the end. i'm strictly friend status unless otherwise.. but i doubt that's going to happen because knowing myself, i'm stubborn and never let sht happen. i'm too busy trying to make you and other people happy before myself even though i know you're supposed to put your own happiness before others but i just can't seem to. i'm tired of always listening to you. i don't even know why i listen to you when you tend to tell me things. & when i tend to come off as a bitch towards you, it's just me trying not to look like 'the bitch' in a friendship or whatever you want to call it.

and i don't even understand why i feel like this one is different from the rest. maybe it's cus i feel as if i don't have to put as much effort into starting up a conversation. yet i am still scared. i'm scared of what i'm getting myself into. what i already got myself into. i know that when i'm sucked into something, i'm really sucked in deep and i'm just going deeper and deeper. creating a much bigger hole, making it just even more difficult than it already is for me to escape.

all i know .. i'm just really taking whatever comes by me. i'm not gonna make the same mistakes i did last time.. well atleast i hope i don't