i can't believe i'm home on a saturday night.. the weekend of my birthday -_- the arguments i had this whole day are the exact reasons that make me want to dorm for college. i want to get away from here. i get so tired of stupid arguments. we're yelling from the top of our lungs and i could just feel my dad's blood pressure rising. in that moment i know i'm fckin heated as hell and will yell back but when i'm back in my room, i feel bad and guilty for being such a burden on him. he isn't living an easy life and he's constantly worrying about things, even when i know he tries to hide it. but sometimes i really just cannot take being here. i want out and i want to live on my own. i don't want to get into unnecessary, petty arguments. i'm tired of yelling, talking under my breath, and then feeling bad for it.

i want to prove to him that i'm going to succeed.. i'm tired of him telling me what other people are telling me to do. let me live my own fcking life. it's enough that i'm already going to college for something that isn't my first choice, so please don't make my choices of which college to go to. please don't tell me to take this damn 15 month shit.. i will not fcking have a damn college experience going through that shit. i know that sounds selfish but c'mon now.. it's still my life. you can't run every damn thing. i'm so tired of this. i'm tired of feeling like a disappointment and having all this pressure put on me. is it my fault my brothers didn't follow through with what they said they were originally going to do? hell fucking no. i am seriously just so tired of all of this.

don't fuckin doubt me. don't underestimate my abilities. i'll prove you wrong.