And here I am, six hours later, with nothing. I thought I'd be finished by now, but every thing just became another distraction. Today has not been my day at all.
I'm tired. I have gone through this so many times, assuming I would have already learned my lesson, but I guess not. Why haven't I learned when enough is enough? I don't know. I don't understand. I honestly, honestly don't. I wish it was easier done than said. I don't know what makes me hang on.
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." - Maya Angelou
A quote that I always seem to remember every time I'm in some kind of off situation that leads me to think about what a person said or how it made me feel. There's just so much truth behind the quote. I remember the times you made me feel good, but I remember the times you made me feel ugly and not good enough too. I don't even think you realize what you're doing.
I know I'm not the prettiest chick out there. I know I'm not the chick dudes take another look at when I walk into the room. I know I don't have a nice body. I know I'm not the chick every guy wants to try and get at. I know I'm not the chick to be remembered. I know I don't have dudes being thirsty over me. I know, I know, I know. My self esteem has been shot too many times for me to NOT know. You, of all people, do not need to remind me. Joking or not. I am all down for joking around, but when it's something constantly being brought up, yeah it'll get to me once in a while. You don't need to keep bringing me down to make yourself feel better.
And I know, I'll remember how I felt tonight. When I read back at this post months later when it may not even matter, I will remember this feeling. Confused. Hurt. Negative.
So where do I go from here? It's a vicious cycle. You go back to things that are all too familiar because you're scared of what's new, what's out there, the unknown. That's me. I'm scared to start over. I don't know when this chapter of my life will end or if it will ever, honestly. Sigh. Struggling, bittersweet journey.
One thing I absolutely do know, is that you will never find a girl like me to replace who I was. You're going to wish you never said those words.
I'm tired. I have gone through this so many times, assuming I would have already learned my lesson, but I guess not. Why haven't I learned when enough is enough? I don't know. I don't understand. I honestly, honestly don't. I wish it was easier done than said. I don't know what makes me hang on.
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." - Maya Angelou
A quote that I always seem to remember every time I'm in some kind of off situation that leads me to think about what a person said or how it made me feel. There's just so much truth behind the quote. I remember the times you made me feel good, but I remember the times you made me feel ugly and not good enough too. I don't even think you realize what you're doing.
I know I'm not the prettiest chick out there. I know I'm not the chick dudes take another look at when I walk into the room. I know I don't have a nice body. I know I'm not the chick every guy wants to try and get at. I know I'm not the chick to be remembered. I know I don't have dudes being thirsty over me. I know, I know, I know. My self esteem has been shot too many times for me to NOT know. You, of all people, do not need to remind me. Joking or not. I am all down for joking around, but when it's something constantly being brought up, yeah it'll get to me once in a while. You don't need to keep bringing me down to make yourself feel better.
And I know, I'll remember how I felt tonight. When I read back at this post months later when it may not even matter, I will remember this feeling. Confused. Hurt. Negative.
So where do I go from here? It's a vicious cycle. You go back to things that are all too familiar because you're scared of what's new, what's out there, the unknown. That's me. I'm scared to start over. I don't know when this chapter of my life will end or if it will ever, honestly. Sigh. Struggling, bittersweet journey.
One thing I absolutely do know, is that you will never find a girl like me to replace who I was. You're going to wish you never said those words.
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