Sometimes I feel like I have absolutely no one to run to.. no one to talk to, no one to fall back on, no one to listen when I'm trying to cry out, no one to understand me.. absolutely no one. I hate it because I know I bring this upon myself. I hate that I've grown bitter towards people. I hate that I feel as if I can't even trust certain people anymore. & I hate that I am somewhat pushing people away. People that I once called a friend seem to be just an acquaintance now. As I get older, I find it to be a bit more challenging to keep up with everyone's life, staying in touch, etc.
I can't help but miss people. I miss vibing on different levels, being comfortable, knowing that I don't need to hold anything back when I'm around certain friends. Now.. I feel like I have to prove something. Prove that I'm good enough to be someone's friend because I often feel like I can easily be forgotten, easily to be replaced with someone else. And I think one of the worse feelings is knowing that you're being replaced.. by someone better. Prove that I can be funny, that I can keep up a conversation, that I am a good friend.. I guess I'm just trying to prove that I am somewhat good enough to be something.. for something, somewhere in this world... if that makes any sense.
It's tough though. It's life. I miss you.

senioritis is starting to officially kick the f/ck in. fourth marking period -_- whatever i'm gonna bang out this last stretch. holler for exemptions. i've been over with the bullshit high school brings. i am ready to go. less than two months & i mostly just worrying about prom shit now. JUNE2010.. we're graduating bro.

I clean my room when I am moody

I have problems. Problems with myself that I cannot seem to ever find the solution to. I lack so much shit that it tears me apart in the inside. Nobody really knows, nobody can see. I'm so happy on the outside because I don't want to burden other people with what's going on with myself in the inside. My insecurities can really eat me alive. I do not like myself and that's a problem. I don't know how to love myself. I don't know how to be confident. I am sick of me. I try to have a good personality to make up what people have to see. I believe I'm not good enough and there has been so much shit to prove that I'm not. Don't feel sorry for me because that's the last thing I want. I don't even feel sorry for myself. I am hopeless and in time I am hoping that God will help me.

I've got some issues that nobody can see and all of these emotions are pourin out of me.

So much shit to do in so little time. I guess this is what I get for wanting money.